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Description:

“The family that steals together, stays together,” has always been the motto of the Family Planck — even though they’re not very good at the family profession. Patriarch Frank Sr. runs a modest protection racket in a local mall and has taken up tap dancing for anger management. His wife Felicity runs mail order scams from her home computer and dreams of shaking her booty on the beaches of the Bahamas. Their son Freddie “Two-Face” Planck is a smash-and-grab thief with a penchant for booze, and their daughter Freida is a consumer fraudster who’s fallen in love with a man from an enemy camp.

Their eldest son, Frankie “Fair Deal” Planck, Jr. is a lawyer and son-in-law to a Senator, and he’s just been offered the deal of a lifetime, if he can get the rest of his crooked family to leave town — fast. When a ruthless loan shark demands repayment of an old debt, Frankie proposes an elaborate scheme to rob the loan shark so they can repay him with his own money and use the rest of the money to retire to the Bahamas.

As the scheme moves forward, family members continue to pursue their individual criminal activities with the usual Planck-family mishaps and screw-ups. But this is one deal the family really can’t afford to end in failure..."

Excerpt:

Forgetting business convention, Sidney didn't bother to call Frankie Jr. to set up a Monday morning appointment. Rather, on Monday morning, Pablo bundled Frankie into the back of the familiar maroon Caddie before he could cross the sidewalk from his cab to the office-building door. Sidney was already in the back, waiting.

"Break a finger, Pablo," commanded Sidney.

Pablo obliged, or thought he had. Frankie howled appropriately, clenching his oddly bent finger, moaning, whining, never letting on that Pablo had chosen the finger that was double-jointed and could twist every which way, painlessly.

"You Plancks ripped me off on Saturday. I know you did it because McIlroy saw Freddie half a block from my office. Emilio's in it, too, the rat turncoat bastard."

"Freddie's too dumb to rob you, Sidney. Maybe the cops took your money when they searched your place."

"It was gone by then. I know you Plancks did it, even Frieda, my so-called business partner. All of my gifts are gone. My No Smoking sign, for example. Is she gonna gift it to some other poor schmuck who trusts her? And it's real funny how the cops came up with every scrap of paper in my vault except your files. Remember those? 'Please, oh please, keep them for me, Sidney,' remember that, and remember that I'm a nice guy, and trusting, because what's business but a relationship of trust? Fair Deal Frankie Planck! More like Double Deal Frankie Planck. This is what's going to happen, Mr. Fair Deal. This time it's going to be Fair Deal Sidney Lopez. You can take the deal or leave it, but either way you're going to pay."

"You're not being realistic, Sidney. You've had a shock. You've got Colombians on your case."

"Mexicans. Just as bad."

"You've got the DA on your case."

"Pablo, shoot the bastard."

"Right here, Uncle? Blood all over the car? It'll lose trade-in value," Pablo protested.

Frankie chimed in. "You're going to need a good lawyer, Sidney. You may even need a judge."

Customer Reviews:

Art Montague's wry sense of humor and hard-wired taste for irony packs many a satisfying chuckle into this hilarious criminal caper complete with a
satisfying wrap-up that will leave many readers laughing out loud. Montague has been writing about crime, criminals, and law enforcement for decades
and that knowledge lends a sense of authenticity to even the most outlandish events. The Family Planck: Lawless in LA benefits from excellent
pacing and dialogue, which means it could easily be adapted into a screenplay should any film producers out there be shopping. For now, however, only
readers can download and enjoy this comic caper masterpiece.